An odd thing about myself is that from time to time I find myself talking to the video games I play. I still remember the first time I played a hacked game that my brother downloaded onto his labtop. It’s called Syobon Action, and is a really weird hacked version of Super Mario Bros. but instead of being Mario, you’re a small white cat... person... thing. Infact, all creatures in the game are strange white things; golf balls with faces, varying from wearing spiked crowns to turtle shells to riding on rockets. There’s also ghosts shooting out of nowhere, clouds with wicked grin(evil!), stars wearing shades, some guy wearing a super-hero cape, rectangle guys who can pick things up(including you) and throw them away, and Pedo-Cat. Well there’s a pedo-bear, why not a pedo-cat? And last, but definitely not least, are all kinds of traps that are just waiting to blow you to hell!

Syobon Action consists of four levels, all being messed up versions of the levels of Super Mario Bros. World 1. The controls are the arrow-keys with the up arrow being up. You can do this with one hand but it could take some time to get use to, especially when trying to avoid everything that’s trying to kill you. There are power-ups here like mushrooms and fire-flowers , but guess what? They’re traps just like anything else in this hack. So whatever you do, don’t get hit the question mark blocks! And one more interesting a funny feature in this hack is that you have infinite lives, but it goes down normally until after zero they start going back up but with the negative sign.

Now lets begin my first experience playing this hack. Aside from being killed by the first set of traps laid out, the first level was pretty short and easy. But the end was what got me good. I’ve reach the victory pole at the end, I jump on it since it’s a hack on Mario and this is how to end the level. But as I slide down the pole and jump off, a ghost falls from the sky and kills me. I was speechless; I realized now how cruel this hack can be. You beat the level and yet it can still kill you! Plus, I couldn’t move so there’s no way to avoid that unless you jump OVER the pole, avoid the ghost, and then jump onto the pole.

Second level was more tricky and some very unexpected traps, my favorite being the one where three layers of bricks falling from the ceiling onto you, one after another. I had a lot of hilarious moments on this level, like when I found out the first time the powers-ups are suicidal. I got a mushroom which made my character big n’ buff and falls through the ground and dies. Throughout this thing I’ve said a lot of things to the hack while playing it, including the famous internet meme and Star Wars quote “IT’S A TRAP!”

Third level just as tricky, but the end is the just the worse. There’s the large trees just like in Super Mario Bros. Here we have two brick blocks, a golf ball monster wearing a turtle shell, a platform underneath the treetop, and a guy with a super-hero cape. After a lot of trial and error on this level, I’ve reached the victory pole, but suddenly on the other side of the pole is a rectangular-shaped monster coming towards me. He suddenly picks up the victory pole and throws it off screen. I could not believe what I just saw. When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it got worse. This is just beyond being cruel.

My reaction? “OH, FUCK YOU!”

The way to get pass this part is to jump on the golf ball monster with the turtle shell, next jump on the shell towards the right, then jump off onto the super-hero guy onto the platform underneath and run to the pole. Easier-Said-Than-Done. You’ve gotta time it right, be fast, and be pixel perfect! I was stuck on this one part for a long time.

The fourth level wasn’t as difficult, but it’s narrow so there’s little space to maneuver in. Again, I was killed by the traps set up. Falling into this stuff is hilarious that I laugh at it, but over time if you keep getting killed by the same traps over and over, than it can get a bit annoying. At the end to where Bowser should be, instead you’re up against a doppleganger of your character. When I was about to approach him, he jumps back on the sword behind him and cuts the bridge, making me fall to my death. My eyebrow was twitching; it means I’m pissed!

I found out that before the boss are three question mark blocks. This is a moment where you must hit the blocks to get by. I got a poisonous mushroom to kill the boss, and I was expecting to rescue a princess. But no, that would just be too kind. Instead, there’s a large, muscular man with a chicken head waiting to kill on the other side of the bridge, and you can’t move.

My reaction? “WWHHHHYYY!”.

I’ve found a way to beat the hack, but since it’s been a long time, I don’t remember.

Overall, it’s not as evil, cruel, and hard as I Wanna Be The Guy and Kaizo Mario, but it’s something that’s not to be taken lightly. I’ve had fun playing this hack long ago. In fact, I probably would be playing it again later today. If you wanna download and try it out yourself, I think you can google it and find out.